Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
