I faked an abortion last night.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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