I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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