I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
