ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
