I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Randomize
