The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Mom said you looked used
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
