You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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