It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Randomize
