I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
