well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize