Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
