...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Randomize
