I wish my penis had an off switch
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
