But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
