I wanna bring you to show and tell
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize