Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
