Rock
Scissors
Fuck
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
