Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize