I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
