He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
