every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
