You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
