it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
please come you make the beer taste better
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
