To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
