He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
You can't special order awesome
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
