My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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