I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
There are leaves in my underwear?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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