she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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