if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
