you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
this just has baby written all over it
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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