As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
