I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
