Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Randomize
