Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
