Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
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