theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Two words: blizzard sex
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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