your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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