why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
The uberlube is also flammable
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
