So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Randomize
