Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
