4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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