If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
