5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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