It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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