when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
