The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize