Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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