k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Blood and glitter go together right?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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