Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
That reminds me...we need to get swords
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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