I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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