This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
