I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
