yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
