Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize
