Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
