I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
