She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
be right there i have to get my cape
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I believe in your delicious
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
