I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
