That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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