i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
