You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
handjob tips. give me some.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
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