I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Randomize
