then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
