like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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