fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
