you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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