OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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