I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Randomize
