She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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