I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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