3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
