I feel like abortions should bother me more
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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