I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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