I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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