Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
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