That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
