your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
