Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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