you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
