This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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