Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
