How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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