I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
NoShamevember. You game?
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
