this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
