You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
