This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Just puked most of my soul out..
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