Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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