Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
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