I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
