just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
