how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
