This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I need to stop coming to work sober
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
