My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
