My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
