if you like me you must not know who I am
What did we do last night that was yellow?
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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