Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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