It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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