I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
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