apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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