Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
