I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
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