Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
