I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
